Voter Fraud In Iowa And What Was Done To Combat This Threat To All We Hold Dear.

A couple of years ago the malign specter of voter fraud in Iowa was raised, much to the delight of KKKonservatives everywhere. At long last, Justice, in her righteous might was going to slam that sword right square on the necks of those Kommielibs-they call us libtards-who said "Why pish tosh, my good fellow-it's a non issue."

To that end, then secretary of state Matt Schultz, spent $240,000 of federal grant money provided by the Help America Vote Act to investigate this shameful excrescence on the body politic and a threat to right thinking folks everywhere in the Tall Corn State from Eldora to Muscatine.

The yield from the investigation turned up 35 instances of potential voter fraud in the last five years. 23 people had been convicted in the same period, most of whom mistakenly voted because they thought they were eligible.

They included a felon whose rights had been restored by the state of Wisconsin, a non-English speaking citizen who double voted, and a non citizen who, upon learning that she was in fact ineligible to vote turned herself in to authorities for some Ceremonial Drum Beating, A Grand Parade Complete With Speechifying By The Dog Catcher Of Fayette County And Concluding With A Grand Educational Explosion Of The Flywheel.

By far the funniest outcome was the case of Terry Rote of this city who submitted two write in ballots voting for Mr. Trump because local conspiracy theorists had convinced her that without a doubt the first ballot would be credited to Mrs. Clinton and she didn't want that and wanted to "make sure".

 

Will somebody please cue the Star Spangled Banner?