I'm Sober Now: Rewriting History

We didn't have to wait too long for the Monday morning quarterbacking to begin and neither did you. The GOP circular firing squad seems to be up and running quite nicely, and it couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of people.

This should prove a very interesting day, and I'm waiting to see what Herr Limbaugh comes up with this afternoon-it ought to be a rare treat.

The following theories are being floated in mesne places  as an explanation for the old fashioned ass whuppin' with all the fancy trimmings the GOP took last night. 

The list is not comprehensive, and it seems to be growing like three month old coleslaw in the back of the refrigerator.So, without further ado, the list. I'm not making this stuff up, folks. 

Choosing Sarah Palin did it.

Media bias did it. 

Dick Armey on NPR: "When we're like us we win-when we're like them we lose."

The mortgage crisis did it.

The Wall Street market crash did it.

Sarah Palin did it.

Newt Gingrich: "The first fact of the 2008 election is the failure of the Republican Congress and the Republican president."

The negroes did it. This theme has several variations, to wit: Obama is an Arab. Obama is the antichrist. Obama was really born in __________ (Cuba and Venezuela are popular). Obama is a baby killer. 

George Bush was responsible.

McCain and Palin actually won the election.

Cleta Mitchell: "The damage the Bush administration has done to the conservative movement by signing McCain-Feingold campaign finance regulations is immeasurable."

Michael Gaynor gives ten reasons why McCain lost, to wit:

• the predominantly liberal mainstream media abandoned McCain. The coverage by ABC, CBS, CNN and NBC was biased in favor of Obama.
• Obama broke his promise concerning campaign funding
• most voters believed that the country was on the wrong track
• the country was eager to elect a black man while white opposition was universally cast as racist. Black folks voted for Obama out of racial pride.
• Obama looked a lot better than Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton
• Only Fox News checked Obama out. People ignored them.
• McCain expected to win because he was better prepared to be president but forgot to show that Obama was unqualified.
• Obama's radical allies had secretly prepared the way for him to win
• the mainstream media led by Charles Gibson, Katie Couric and Tina Fey made it seem as if Sarah Palin was unfit to be president
• the mainstream media kept a lid on the ugly truth about ACORN. 

And although it wasn't on Gaynor's top ten, there was a bonus, to wit: McCain played in to the hands of the liberal Left, especially the New York Times.

Mike Bates of the National Ledger says:

• John McCain wasn't conservative enough and carried too much liberal baggage-legislative liasons with Teddy Kennedy and Russ Feingold are the proof.
• McCain's conversion to tax cuts was lukewarm.
• McCain did not use Jeremiah Wright to smear Obama.
• Palin was a positive bonus. People who weren't going to support her would never have voted for the ticket anyway.
• McCain's estrangement from the rank and file never healed.
• When the GOP strays from conservatism it falters (read: McCain wasn't true to the faith.)
• The economy wasn't as bad as it looks.
• Mainstream media bias against the McCain ticket was toxic and fatal.
• Fraud. Obama didn't account for the money that was donated.
• ACORN and voter fraud.
• Widespread civil disorder would have erupted if McCain won. (read: The negroes would have rioted if Obama lost.)

That's enough for now. Don't be surprised if the list grows longer.

UPDATE:

It occurs to us (I'm reaching now) that one of the hallmarks of a revealed faith is its absolute requirement of adherence to the core dogma. Thus, when the Faithful go up to the Mountain to await the End Of The World and it doesn't happen, it would of course be unthinkable that the prophet is wrong. What it means is that the back room boys with the adding machines goofed up the data inputs or the janitor mixed up the paper on the Prophet's desk.

Likewise, there's a misconstruing of cause and effect based on imperfect knowledge and rigid adherence to the faith that produces phenomena in primitive societies like cargo cults and the perpetual warfare of the Yanomamoe.

That's what seems to be at the heart of the matter on this day. People are busy cranking out all sorts of explanations for why the Cause failed, the Holy Book was full of wormholes, the Sacred Relics were nothing more than a stinking pile of half eaten chicken wings, and none of the apologists seem to be able to say "Our message was wrong and people finally realized we've been selling wolf cookies for years.We've got to do a better job and that means rethinking our dogma. We've got no clothes and we aren't emperor any more either. "  

I did listen to Rush Limbaugh today and it reminded me why I gave that up in 1993-it's the same tired schtick that produces migraines in functioning cerebral cortexes the world over, and it's as good as ever for that purpose.