Thursday, January 31, 2008

Florida Speaks: Giuliani A Turkey, Flops On Road

Reports from the Florida Republic are that Rudy Giuliani woke up and smelled the expresso, and it didn't smell like Cuban coffee. As everyone except three guys in a submarine under the polar icecap now know, he got thumped in the Florida primaries and hauled up the white flag with what now seems to be unseemly and indecorous haste.

It seems to me that Giuliani went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public, thus proving P.T. Barnum once and for all wrong.
The "strategy" was to ignore the traditional proving grounds of the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire primaries, and, as he thought, go directly to the first big primary state and stake everything on one grand roll of the dice. Was Florida an outpost of New York? Would the Cubans buy into it and send Rudy over the top?
As it turns out, the answer from the land of sunshine, oranges, and quirky emigre politics was 'hell, no!'.
As any aspiring Thespian will tell you, you first open in New Haven and see whether your show's got legs. Then, and only then, are you ready to open on Broadway.

The New York Daily News ran an article today about Chuck Grassley (Senator from Iowa) that says he unloaded on Giuliani about the "New York lifestyle",(whatever that is) saying that it didn't travel well. Nobody else has picked the story up so far, but I have to figure it actually happened.

Of course, Hizzoner appearing in drag, seen above with a puzzled Donald "Combover" Trump, and hot and cold running bimbos at Gracie Mansion really didn't help matters-nor did the Bernie Karik contretemps. Imagine THAT photo circulating around the Kremlin just before the next summit meeting, for Chrissakes.
But nevermind.

People there are ready to declare a jihad for Grassley's impertinence, and there's a veritable hurricane of fatwas are flying from all the usual mullahs.

However, like a fumble fingered rookie dentist with one of those horrible metal probes striking the mother of all nerves, what Farmer Chuck (as he is sometimes known here) did was inartfully expose all the contempt that many people in Festung New York have for anything west of the Hudson.

As long as we're a bunch of illiterate and inbred bumpkins and retards out here, everything's fine, and we can safely be ignored just as long as we keep sending truckloads of all the things we make and grow, on credit, on time, with no real expectation of payment anytime soon.

But let anyone west of Jersey City mumble that maybe New York is not the ultimate arbiter of all things regarding science, decorum, taste, good government, ethics, morality, and honoring your obligations by paying your debts and the fan hits the shit, so to speak.

If New York's such a great place, how come it never fails to produce the likes of John Gotti, for Chrissakes? At least the Dapper Don never disguised who he was, what he did, or what he expected of people. Rudy is a different study. I also think that the gennelmun from Ozone Park probably never would have appeared in public in drag.....but that's just me.


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